Wanting What's Heavenly
"Thanks for the encouragement. I was excited to talk about the Holy Spirit, but I also felt really unqualified. I am always learning every day to listen to God. Some days are better than others. I totally have to rely on God's grace."
What is written above is from an e-mail I sent to a friend who encouraged me after listening to a teaching I gave in April this year called, "Now What? - Holy Spirit".
Whenever I write an e-mail or letter that is more spiritually focused I think of Paul's letters, and I sometimes wish to myself that I could write with such conviction and authority. How was Paul able to do all that he was called to do? Was he just that much more dedicated to seeking God and learning about the Spirit? What did he have to work with? He didn't have the New Testament! Well, ok, I guess he was chosen by God to write half of it, so he kind of was the New Testament walking around!
Paul learned from the disciples' accounts, directly from them, and then he dedicated himself to those eye-witness accounts. But it wasn't just that. His calling was to take the gospel to the non-Jews of the time.
Does God choose people based on something he sees in them to accomplish his task? Or does he choose them and then provide what they need? I guess he does both. What were Paul's prayers like? What was his prayer life like? What did he tell people in the churches to do?
I have to admit. I get excited about reading the New Testament. Then I read it, and I struggle applying it to my life. How am I supposed to do this without help?
Jesus says that he sends a Helper, the Holy Spirit, who will dwell in us and lead and guide us. Why is it so hard for me to listen to him? I feel like I do some of what he says, but only every once in a while, enough for me to believe that he is there. Then there are times I don't even realize he's talking to me and I brush the thoughts aside, even if they keep coming again and again, until I finally realize days or months later that it was the Spirit of Jesus.
Most of the time I'm doing my own thing. But then there are times I ask for his help, and I don't feel anything...except my weaknesses. And I wonder, "Am I just playing games with God? Am I the guy James talks about who asks for wisdom and doubts, so I shouldn't expect to receive anything?"
How can I do this without the Spirit? And what do I have to do to get the Spirit to help me? What should I do, PERIOD.
Today I'm tired. I'm wanting more. I remember times I was walking in the Spirit daily. I remember how I would meditate and stop and rest and sit before God without any agenda...ever. And when it was time to get up, I would. Today...I feel a restlessness. I sit for thirty seconds and I'm done. I don't understand what's going on inside of me.
I think on the outside I want to look like I want heavenly things, but deep down there is a craving for earthly things. And I want that desire for heavenly things to move from the outside to the inside, but I don't know how. God, help me kill my selfishness. Help me to want you more than anything else. Help me to submit myself to you.
______
It's been a few days since I wrote the above. Since then God has revealed to me that deeper than anything that is in me, at the very core, is a desire for heavenly things that He has planted in me. Thank you Jesus.
"Thanks for the encouragement. I was excited to talk about the Holy Spirit, but I also felt really unqualified. I am always learning every day to listen to God. Some days are better than others. I totally have to rely on God's grace."
What is written above is from an e-mail I sent to a friend who encouraged me after listening to a teaching I gave in April this year called, "Now What? - Holy Spirit".
Whenever I write an e-mail or letter that is more spiritually focused I think of Paul's letters, and I sometimes wish to myself that I could write with such conviction and authority. How was Paul able to do all that he was called to do? Was he just that much more dedicated to seeking God and learning about the Spirit? What did he have to work with? He didn't have the New Testament! Well, ok, I guess he was chosen by God to write half of it, so he kind of was the New Testament walking around!
Paul learned from the disciples' accounts, directly from them, and then he dedicated himself to those eye-witness accounts. But it wasn't just that. His calling was to take the gospel to the non-Jews of the time.
Does God choose people based on something he sees in them to accomplish his task? Or does he choose them and then provide what they need? I guess he does both. What were Paul's prayers like? What was his prayer life like? What did he tell people in the churches to do?
I have to admit. I get excited about reading the New Testament. Then I read it, and I struggle applying it to my life. How am I supposed to do this without help?
Jesus says that he sends a Helper, the Holy Spirit, who will dwell in us and lead and guide us. Why is it so hard for me to listen to him? I feel like I do some of what he says, but only every once in a while, enough for me to believe that he is there. Then there are times I don't even realize he's talking to me and I brush the thoughts aside, even if they keep coming again and again, until I finally realize days or months later that it was the Spirit of Jesus.
Most of the time I'm doing my own thing. But then there are times I ask for his help, and I don't feel anything...except my weaknesses. And I wonder, "Am I just playing games with God? Am I the guy James talks about who asks for wisdom and doubts, so I shouldn't expect to receive anything?"
How can I do this without the Spirit? And what do I have to do to get the Spirit to help me? What should I do, PERIOD.
Today I'm tired. I'm wanting more. I remember times I was walking in the Spirit daily. I remember how I would meditate and stop and rest and sit before God without any agenda...ever. And when it was time to get up, I would. Today...I feel a restlessness. I sit for thirty seconds and I'm done. I don't understand what's going on inside of me.
I think on the outside I want to look like I want heavenly things, but deep down there is a craving for earthly things. And I want that desire for heavenly things to move from the outside to the inside, but I don't know how. God, help me kill my selfishness. Help me to want you more than anything else. Help me to submit myself to you.
______
It's been a few days since I wrote the above. Since then God has revealed to me that deeper than anything that is in me, at the very core, is a desire for heavenly things that He has planted in me. Thank you Jesus.
